JANESVILLE, WI (The Borowitz Report)—Calling New Zealand’s Prime Minister “crooked and rigged,” Donald J. Trump accused Jacinda Ardern of competently dealing with the coronavirus pandemic so as to get reëlected.
Talking at a rally in Wisconsin, Trump known as Ardern’s use of public-health measures to mitigate the impression of the coronavirus on her nation “a sleazy political transfer such as you wouldn’t imagine.”
“This girl wished to get reëlected, so she determined to go after the coronavirus and beat it,” he mentioned. “This girl is a shame.”
Ramping up his assault on Ardern, Trump accused her of securing her election victory by “listening to scientists.”
“She was speaking to scientists day by day,” Trump charged. “It’s all going to come back out once we see her e-mails.”
In a last denunciation of Ardern’s profitable dealing with of the pandemic, Trump vowed, “You’ll by no means see me pulling one thing like that.”